Product Reviews: AIDS AND HIV... and How Things Have Changed

In 1988 I was happily married to a man that I felt so comfortable with... He made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the whole world even though I was extremely overweight! He made me feel so good about myself that I honestly did not even realize how overweight I really was. I felt like I could always tell him everything and thought he was open and honest with me. He was my Sunshine! My Hope! You seeI was very sickly due to birth defects of my digestive system. I have had about 25 reconstructive type surgeries and supplemental surgeries to patch things up alone the way. Always with the back thought that things could slide to bad at any minute and I could be gone. He knew that I did not have a great life expectancy and he decided to marry me anyway.  He also knew that the doctors said that I could never have any children due to other birth defects in my reproductive system. I consider myself lucky that ALL my birth defects are inside... No one sees the true ugliness that I deal with on a daily basis. I know I could have been born without an arm or a leg or disfigured but I feel like I got of lucky that I was born with a beautiful face and all my extremities. We got married in 1985 and low and behold I got pregnant right away!  My doctor used to tease me that I got pregnant the minute I got married!  Let me also mention that as a young child I was told I would never see 18 and because of that before I met my husband I lived a very loose life of drinking and drug use thinking that if I was going to die I was going to go out with a bang.  18 came and I was still here so I decided it was time to calm myself down and live the real life.  About 8 months after I got my life on a better track I met Ken. It was kind of funny because when I first met him I really did not like him very much.  I kind of thought he was a bit feminine and weird. I was a boss at a company and my friends introduced me to him because he was new to New Jersey fresh from Mississippi! He needed a job and they knew I might be able to hire him. AND I DID!  Next of course he needed a ride to work as he was just flew in and kind of decided to stay unexpectedly. I think I remember him telling me that his Mom had expected him to marry an older woman that was a friend of the family.  She was nice but he did not love her and decided to run. Of course this did not make for a great start to him Mom and I  having a relationship. She also being from Mississippi was not very fond of Yankee's. We married after only knowing each other for about 8 months and moved into a cute little apartment. We had a tiny wedding in my parents living room from the justice of the peach in New Jersey. I loved getting married in my parents house and also married on their anniversary too. I am not sure why we did thatI think it was just because Ken and I both loved my Mom and Dad so much. YESthat was another thing that was amazing about KenHe and my Mom were like best friends. He was so good to my Mom and treated her like his own mother.{Even Better} They were so cute together!  I loved that about him. Getting back to having a baby... Yes I got pregnant very quickly! It made me realize again how lucky I was that I did not get pregnant when I was living my life of craziness. I am grateful for that even to this day. Of course the doctors were worried about my baby since I had so many birth defects.  They expected him to be a real mess but thankfully he was a perfect little baby boy. I do not think I was ever as happy I was that day. Kenny my son meant so much to me even more so since I knew it was a real miracle that I carried him and had him naturally. He never really had a sick day in his life thankfully and now he is a semi happy 30 year old who is just starting to settle down in his life. SoKen's Mom living in Mississippi had a Dog Grooming Shop and really laid it on thick about us coming to live in Mississippi opening up a Pet Shop in the connected building of the Grooming Shop. Also they promised us a few acres of land also connected to their land. Yes we bit it hook line and sinker and we moved our new little family all the way to Mississippi. Breaking my Mother's heart! Literally! I called my Mom every single day but I knew she was crushed and I could tell she kind of held a bit of anger inside over us leaving her. Taking away he new grandson and her best friend and her husband whom she loved like her own son.. I missed my Mom so much.  I missed my Dad too but we never had a fantastic relationship. I loved him but we tended to fight a bit and we still do! Well life in Mississippi was not very easy. His Mom honestly hated me and often brought his old intended wife over to visit with her. At first we lived there in their house until we got on our feet and bought our own mobile home. Living with themI was treated like a housemaid.  I loved to clean soI did take care of their house and the cooking but it was a very thankless job with a LOT of complaining.  I do not think there was much I could do to make her happy.  I really did try!  I do not think I have ever kissed someone's butt so hard in my entire life! I tried everything. I swallowed my true self and tried to be what his Mom expected. Everything I said was taken wrongeverything I did was not rightand we quickly bought a mobile home just to get out of their house. I had ended up in the hospital about two weeks before we bought the mobile home.  The stress of living with his parents had caused my Pancreatitis that I had since I was a baby to flair up. Stress always messes with my pancreas even to this day. His Mom had me so sick that I almost died. Doctors there in Mississippi had no clue how to take care of me since the doctor that had rebuilt me was in New Jersey. The doctors chatted with each otherbut he honestly just sent me home to die. Home? Wellwhile I was in the hospital my husband bought the mobile home and moved us out of his parents house. He knew that I was never going to get well if we stayed there.  At first he thought I was just imagining things about his Mom mistreating mebut after we talked one night I asked him to please pay attention. Men honestly do not notice this kind of thing. Wellmost men do not. I guess it is not a great idea to blanket all men together under this title. Butmost men I know really do not notice things going on around them. They workand just want to come home and relax and unwind and watch TV and enjoy their kids and family.  After our discussion he noticed the things that were going on.  I was SO happy! His Mom actually had me kind of thinking I was going crazy.  She in her southern drawel would sound so sweetand so loving and kind. She talked so sweet that even I started to think I was crazy. It honestly got so bad that even people at our congregation started noticing how poorly she treated meand these were people who were her friends for years. Anywaywe moved into our home and I came home from the hospital in critical condition. My hope was to get well enough to get on a plane and get home to my parents so I could get to New Jersey to the doctor that rebuilt me.  I did not get betterbut sadly only got worsePLUS we were struggling to make ends meet and I could not afford the plane tickets.  It was myself and a 1 year old baby.  I did not really think I was ever going to get to New Jersey and I really did not think I was going to make it out of this bought with Pancreatitis. I could only think of how I did not want to leave my son behindmotherless. I mean I was so happy that I had gotten the priviledge of birthing himand getting to love him.  ButI wanted to do it forever!  I ended up back in the hospital because of the vomiting and pain. Pancreatitis is a very painful disease. I spend my life perfecting ways to try to deal with the pain but there really was no concrete way of stopping the pain. NPO and a nasal gastic tube was usually the way to get it to calm downbut for some reason it was not working and they just wanted to send me home.  They pretty much said that I was not expected to live this long and that I should be grateful for all the extra years I had gotten. Hmmmmmm In comes the Salvation Army! While I was in the hospital I think they came in to offer prayersand while they were visiting we talked about how I needed to get to Pennsylvania to my parents house so they could take me to New Jersey to see my surgeon.  I had no clue who the Salvation Army wasor that they often helped people who needed help. Next thing I knew I had three tickets to Pennsylvania. Two for me and my sonand the other for my husband.  My tickets were one wayKen's ticket was a round trip back to mississppi because we had the Pet Shop. Little Critters. I was not well enough to travel on my own so they paid for him to travel with mestay a few daysand then back to Mississippi. I stayed about 8 months.  Ken and I talked every single day but we missed each other. I missed him so much and the baby was missing out on his father.  I got to see my doctor in New Jerseyhe re-routed some things to try to get things flowing better and I was back on my feet in a few months. I then started working at a local food store so that I could buy our tickets back home to Mississippi. 8 months is a long time to be separated from your husband of wife.  I never strayed from my loveand due to our strong religious convicitonsI never even entertained the thought of my precious husband straying from me either.  It actually never even entered my mind.  I had so much trustI still hold that trust in people even though sometimes that deep trust gets me in trouble in life. Finally going home! I was sad to be leaving my Mom and Dadbut so happy to be getting back home to my husband and our new home that I really never got to explore. It ended up being a really cute home with an amazing garden tub that quickly because my little ones favorite thing in life to doand I also spend many hours floating around in that garden tub.ButI am getting ahead of my self... The plane ride was scaryI had never been on a plane before while awake and well... I was so sick on my flight to PA that I did not have enough energy to be terrified!  I actually felt like kissing the ground when we landedbut I kept it under control.  I think I prayed the whole way home!   I remember walking in the airport looking for Ken and seeing his face!  He was so handsome and had really thick hair that was seriously beautiful. I missed his hair. I loved running my fingers through that hair! He ran to us and picked up Kenny and kissed him and hugged him and gave him this cute little stuff dragon. He did not kiss me?  It was so oddly awkward  like two strangers meeting for the first time.  I was floored!  I thought he was  mad at me for taking so long to come homeand I figured I would have been mad too if he left me for 8 months.  I could not help itI was dying and needed surgical intervention and then the healing process and waiting to see if it held up. Our lives were so different for a while.  He really did not tell me what the problem waseven though I asked.  I wanted to talk about it!  I wanted that love back! One daywe had a HUGE fight. I do not even remember what the fight was aboutbut he decided he was leaving us.  He packed him thingshis clothes into a Hefty bag. A huge blackish brownish Hefty bag. I still think of that day sometimes when my Dad buys that huge dark Hefty bags to pack the raked leaves into. He dragged the Hefty to the doorI was cryingKenny was crying and he was leaving. He opened the door and his Mom stood in the door way.  She acted like she did not even know that we were fightingshe saw us crying but she never acknowledged it. She talked to Ken like it was any other day.  He sat down on the couch and left his bag by the door.  She finally asked him what was in the bag? Somehowshe talked him down and he did not leave.  I really did not know where he was planning on going. He did not say HEY I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!  He said nothing.  Things seemed to calm downand our lives  got a bit like it used to be.  I was happy with that and figured it was just because he was upset that we were gone so long.  I understood in a way because I missed him too. Talking on the phone every night was not like being together.  One day Ken told me that he friend got kicked out of his Mom's house.  It was a guy who he went to school withhigh school I think.  He asked if we could put him up in the spare room at the total other end of our home.  We had a really nice guest roomwith a  huge bed in it and I had it decorted really cute.  Ken's Gramma used to come and stay with us to be close to baby Kenny.  I loved when she came to stay.  I love to help people out if I canand a few years ago I actually took a Mom and her two kids in for a year.  Anway I said yes to  letting his school friend live with us til he got on his feet.  He was really niceand I did not see him much because he was working  a lot.   I do not remember how long he lived with usbut he was a nice houseguest and I put a twin bed in the babies room so that Ken's Gram could still co me and stay with us!  I never gave a thought of this man in our house. He was a manmen have friendsI saw nothing wrong with my husband having a bro.  I had a close friend named Cindy who I spent every waking moment with when my husband was not home and my husband was really good friends with her husband too.  We often all played cards togethersometimes at our housesometimes at their house. Ken's friend would sometimes come with usand I think that Cindy even knew him since she went to school with Ken growing up too. Soon the friend moved outand things seemed normal again. After he moved out I do not think we ever saw him again. At least I did not see him again. Life went onour Petshop was exciting and funbut really hard work. Ken started to have some major sinus infections and ended up in the hospital a few times with  serious infections in his sinus cavity. At times he was so sick that I actually worried about him.  These were not your average sinus infections.  The doctors were clueless as to why he was getting so sick. They did a lot of testing but never could find anything to blame it on.  He became so sick that we decided to move back to Pennsylvania to seek better medical care.  I think after a huge hurricane many of the good doctors moved out of mississippileaving the hospital with a very thin and poorly staffed hospital. The doctors were not of the best quality as I had found out with my Pancreatitis. We started putting money aside for the move and  as we got close to moving we sold our Petshop. We sold the Petshop to his Mom and Dad since they owned the building that housed it.  Selling it did not give us any money though... They nickel and dimed us to death and we left the Petshop even. I think they said we owed them this and that and that also they did not approve of us selling our business that is in their building even though we were not selling the buildingjust the name brand Little Critters Petshop and the inventory of the business  and the stipulation that they would need to pay rent and utilites for the location if they decided to stay in that building. Anywaywe got nothing but were just happy to get out of Mississippi.  My husband crochetedand as I drove he furiously crocheted my Mom a beautiful blanket. He had started it already but wanted to make sure it was finished for when we got there.  It ended up being a amazing blanket that we still have here. Getting to Pennsylvania was heaven!  I was so happy to be home againMy parents had started prepping their basement to be built into an apartment for us. They cut the door into the concrete and built a retaining walland also put in a cement patio always sending us pictures to keep us updated on the process.  Our plans were to build it little by little as we could after we got settled in and got jobs. Alsomy husband got 100% better once we moved back here to Pennsylvania. In Mississippi he was getting an infection one after the otherand now he went 6 months and no infection.  We almost forgot about him having issuesfiguring it might have also been the stress of living next door to his Mom and Dad and also working side by side at the PetShop/Dog Grooming business.  I ran the Petshopand Ken worked with his Mom as a Dog Groomer.  Dog Grooming paid really well! Anwayworking with his parents was a bit stressful so  we kind of blamed his sickness on the stress. Then the infection! Ken got so sick and was in the ICU here locally. They could not get him to beat the infection so the local hospital transfeed him to Geisinger Medical Center which was over an hour away.  He was dying and they could not figure out why. Test after test came back perfectbut he was half dead. Geisinger dug deeper and deeper and finally came up with a diagnoses.  HIV/AIDS! Now they questioned my husband on his lifestyleand he lived the life of a monk pretty much.  He was so pure on paper that snow would not even melt on his tongue! Sonext they started questioning me about my prior lifestyle.  I was honestI told them that I had been told I was never going to see 18 and I partied and had sex often.  Then came the bomb... YOU KILLED YOUR HUSBAND!  Your premiscuious lifestyle has pretty much killed your husband. I was called all kinds of terrible names and belittled and constantly reminded of how I had killed my husband. ALL THIS WITHOUT THEM EVER EVEN TESTING ME!  They even went as far to start telling me that I had also signed my babies death sentence.  They told me that If I had been carrying the HIV virus since my slutty lifestyle that I had infected my husbandand infected my baby as well and their deaths were on my hands.   Oh yeahI cried! I mean my husband was in the ICU half dead and my precious baby who seemed healthy at the moment was soon to get sick and die a horrible death all because of me. Finally I got a script fo get some bloodwork for myself and for my son.  I had to wait a few weeks because the Western Blot takes a bit longer to process. They can do basis HIV testsbut when they are sure they run a deeper test called the Western Blot that gives them more information. So I think we waited two weeks.  Those two weeks were filled with mental tourture of how my husband was dying because of me.  His doctors were huge Jerks!   I remember going for the blood test and missing a stop sign and getting pulled over!  I missed the stop sign as I turned into the blood lab and when I saw the lights I just pulled into a parking spot.  I was cryingnot because of the officer but because my son and I were headed to a test that I thought would be changing our lives. I honestly thought the officer was mistakenor I had a light out.so I really wasnt worried about him.  He asked if I was okand I told him why we were here at the lab. He actually did not give me a ticketwhich I was thankful for because that would have just pushed my crying over th edge.  I just remember how caring he was! Two weeks later my doctor calls and asks me to come into his office.  I asked the nurse to please tell me the results now over the phone but she would not.  Grrrrrrr I mean people are waiting holding their breath and you can tell them yes or no over the phone??   I kind of figured that they did not want to give me a postive HIV test news over the phone.  I took it as a bad sign and prepared myself for the worst.  I was more worried about seeing my baby suffer and die from AIDS.  His Dad was already suffering greatly in Giesingerand that was all my fault!  The next day I had my doctors appointment with Dr Defranco.  I loved that doctor.  He actually just died last month January 2017.  He was a fantastic doctor that took great care of my husbandand amazing care of my son and myself.  The day of our office visit I was stressed.  Planning for the worse senerio that I could imagine in my mind!  Extreme suffering and sickness!  Back in 1989 the outlook for HIV/AIDS patients was not as good as they are now in 2017.   Dr Defranco gave me the great news that neither of us had HIV/AIDS. He tested us every month for the next few years to make sure we were still HIV Negative. My husbands doctors never said they were sorry for tormenting me mentally... Never did they say ohwe are so sorry we just assumed since your husband lived hte life of a lamb that it had to be you.  And of course I was honest and told them that I had a pretty healthy sex life and drug use.  I never did needlesbut smoked a lot of pot and drank a bit. Either way they never said Opps!  They then turned to blame my husbands HIV/AIDS on a surgery he had as a young teen when he fell and ripped his Spleen in half after tripping on his cement patio.  They figured even though his charts said he did not have any blood transfusionsthat his spleen ripping was considered a very bloody injury and they felt they gave him blood transfusions and that the records just did not relfect that. Now that they knew what he hadthey were able to treat it it AZT and get him back on his feet.  He came home and grew stronger and went back to work and lived a ok life for a few years. Maybe 2 years of minor infections but nothing major like it used to be.  We had a great lifeand happy familyand tried to make good memories. Now adayspeople live decades with HIV/AIDS. Ken not having a Spleen made things worse for him since your Spleen is a part of your immune system and so he tended to get more crazy diseases. Im going to end this blog for nowbut continue this.  My hands are cramping from typing so much!! I have wanted to write about this for years.  We went through a lot being a HIV/AIDS family.  I love all my friends from fear.  My brothers and sisters also were terrified of us and refused to come to my parents house since we lived right downstairs.  We were told NOT to come over my parents house anymore and or use their bathroom upstairs.. One great thing that happened was my parents told my siblngs to stuff it!!  That we were welcome in their house and if they did not like itthey did not have to come up.   That was amazing!  Anway I will continue this...

Product Reviews

Friday, February 3, 2017

AIDS AND HIV... and How Things Have Changed

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